Sunday, December 30, 2007

Old stuff, new stuff

The last few days were filled with pleasant surprises and warmth (literally, too, this has got to be the warmest Christmas season Finland's ever known). I have one post to make in the Chamber of Secrets forum to become a Hogwarts graduate, to start with :p

OK, to cut long story short (as it's way too long) - went for a country trip with a Finnish family, crossed the thresholds of two lovely houses come straight from my dreams; one of them a fairy-tale house of utter perfection to the last little detail ("a doll house for adults", as Kari put it); visited a village school for 60 pupils containing more care and modernity than any in Sofia; had a pancake dinner and a sleepover at Zefi's; had an unexpected visit from Leila (who is SO sweet and lovely it's unbelievable) and generally was forced to feet quite acutely the loss I'm in for in little more than a week.

If anyone is interested in reading the longer version (complete with detailed descriptions of mentioned houses and much lauding of this marvellous country), it's in the comments section.

Tomorrow is New year's eve and then I begin to pack and get ready to leave. And thus ends my December, my stay and my year. Have a spectacular New year's and see you on the other side! *kisses*

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Джовани и Нора

За тях заедно, защото са приятели, съквартиранти и си заминаха заедно. Освен това често мисля за тях в двойка. Колаж, защото им отива и защото имам прекалено много снимки с тях. И не знам какво повече да кажа, не защото няма какво, а защото има твърде много.

Весела Коледа! Ще ми липсвате много.

Show some humility

Isn't it funny how everyone seems to think they're the centre of the universe, and you can actually trace this belief throughout their behaviour. I can see it in mine. I can spot it in my thought patterns, even when it's artfully concealed. It seems humility is not easy, and does not come naturally to most of us. I try hard for it when I detect the complacency in my thought-chain or my words, and sometimes I have the feeling I actually achieve it. But it may just be an illusion of humility, a token, whereas the real thing remains out of grasp. I nurture a hope that it can be built gradually, and sometimes I even venture a thought that I have started. Well, trying alone rises my levels of hope and spirit.

This evening especially humility seemed to evade me decisively. I don't know what had gotten into me, because everything started so well, but the more we talked (I was downtown with Gintas), the more I exhibited self-satisfaction, egocentrism and desperate pleas for attention. I don't know how he does it, but Gintas is able to wrench the worst out of me with lazy ease. Perhpas it's for the better though. Perhaps being told unpleasant views about your person helps you look at it from an outsider's point of view and prune it here and there. As I said, I'm hopeful.
And the evening was nice, the uncontainable gushing of dubious emotions notwithstanding. We walked for an hour at least, ending up in a graveyard, which we strolled through, walking among the soft balls of light encircling the candles. Then we spent another two hours in Coffee House, where most of the aforementioned gushing took place. Gintas can't have a very favourable opinion of me, and I can't say I blame him. But he did give my contact info book considerable attention and time. A nice guy, he is.

And I suppose it's time for some news after a month of posting only sudden bursts of emotion. Well, this week was good-bye week. Heartbreaking. You can see the order of leaving people by the posts tagged "the magical world of jyu", starting from Chao. This morning I saw Nora and Giovanni off. (post about them upcoming tomorrow or Monday, depending on cleaning progress.) It's kind of cruel, isn't it, that I have to just cut off, with one brutal strike, the barely-unfolded friendships which were struck here. Cruel, and yet no-one to blame (almost). *sigh* Giovanni and Nora, thank you. Both of you have done more for me than you imagine.

Christmas eve will be spent here, in our little flat. I have no more information, Ewelina is in charge as usual. Christmas day - well, I'll think about that later. I'm gald I'm in a minimalistic country with as little amount of Christmas cheer in the form of kitschy decoration and shopwindow configurations as possible. I like this chubby, up-spirit and, well, merry Western Christmas, but I dislike the exaggeration it sometimes slides into. Plus a little snow would have helped immensely with the Christmas spirit distribution, but - no. snow. in. Finland. I'd write something cheerful for ending, but I can't seem to find anything of that nature in my head right now. Well, I'll just go to bed, I guess. See you tomorrow!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Пауза да си поема дъх

За всички тези хора тук. Досега мислех за тях само в бъдеще време - Stammtisch партито следващия четвъртък, "Кхарма" тази вечер, обяд утре в Агора/Илокиви, рождения ден на еди-кой си следващата седмица, пътуването до Русия следващия месец, вечеря в пицария "Мария" след Cafe Lingua в понеделник, pre-party-то у Джовани довечера и т.н. Сега внезапно трябва да мисля за тях само в минало време. Това така ме обърква.

Мразя да губя неща, да се разделям с тях. Вкопчвам се в това, което съм заобичала. Знам, че не бива и не е здравословно. Ако някой има съвет как да се разделям достойно с неща и хора, моля да сподели.

Денят започва да расте от днес.

Summary for jyu people: Basically I'm saying how much I miss you all.

Валерио и Марина

Валерио и Марина заминаха вчера. Марина ще се върне за следващия семестър, Валерио не. С тях ходих на Film Narrative, единственият ми интересен курс тук. С всеки от тях беше удоволствие да си говориш.

Весела Коледа на двама ви, и музикална и фотографска (съответно) слава да ви застигне през новата година <3

Thursday, December 20, 2007


Мартин замина в 7.30 сутринта с влака за Хелзинки. Мартин е третият човек, с когото се запознах в Юваскюла, на път за университета на втория ден. Оказа се един от най-милите и забавни хора, които познавам въобще.

Долу Мартин в естествената си среда :D

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Чао си тръгна днес сутринта. Аз и Зефи го изпратихме до гарата. Неизвестно е дали ще го видя някога пак, но се надявам силно!

Все пак винаги ще си имаме нашето колело, Чао! :D


Тя мисли, че съм самонадеяна и леко надута. Аз нямам време, за да поправя това впечатление.

Тя е прекрасна.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Време да си взема сбогом

It's time to leave. People are leaving next week. Every day goodbyes have to be said.

It turned out so easy to take someone to your heart, and hold them dear. So fast. And now i's time to part, yet agan, to tear them, to sever the ties, to bury this huddle of life in the graveyard of your past, sometimes well-kempt, sometimes forlorn.

If there is anything which can pick at my heart and bleed it, it's saying goodbye.

Thursday, December 13, 2007


The ESN pre-Christmas party (or Pikkujoulu) took place last night in Lozzi (on campus) and then Kharma. Santa Claus was there (I sat on his knee :D My first time ever, at 25), I got a present, and gave one. There was punch with starfruit, porridge with cinnamon and berry sauce (Christmas porridge??), some games, some dancing, some heartache which I was the onfidante for, and a lot of alcohol brought in by the students. Some of us were properly dressed up, including suits and night gowns. I contributed to the celebretaion spirit with a pair of extremely cute angel earrings and a hairband with tiny jinging bells :o) And just before that Martin and I were in the church listeting to Christmas carols in Finnish sung by the congregation. It was all a festive affair.

Then we went to Kharma, most of us properly drunk already (but not me). It was alright there, save for the music, which was dull, there was some more games, as there was another Pikkujoulu going on there, and more and more alcohol, of course. I stayed sober the whole night. Since so many people are going home, there was ample hugging, kissing and crying. In the end I had to walk home of course, because Ewelina's bike's lock was frozen. A good evening overall, which would've been better if I had drunk more and if it wasn't the last one for all of us together.

Sunday, December 2, 2007


So many meanings in one month.

My last weeks in Finland. My last days with the people I met here. The last parties, last walks in the town, last lectures, last common lunches in the university cafeterias, last dinners in pizzeria "Maria", last surges of longing.

My second Christmas away from my family - and first one away from friends, too. But closest to Santa Claus I've ever been!

My fisrt consiously-bought Christmas advent calender - Muumi-themed, of course (and yes, it is exactly the one in the picture. Cute, ain't it!). My first church Christmas carols evening (looking forward to it).

The shortest days and longest nights I've seen. Probably the coldst weather I've experienced, but still waiting for this one.

Hopefully a wonderful closure to a wonderful semester here. I love Finland by now. I liked it in the beginning, but I love it now. I wonder who wouldn't.

Saturday, November 24, 2007


Вчера по една чиста случайност (търсейки "Приказки на прибалтийските народи") попаднах на този блог. Страшно ми хареса, съдържанието, настроението, но особено стила на писане. Рядко се случва да намеря нещо, което така да ми допадне, в мрежата, особено стил на писане. Препоръчвам го горещо.

Edit: Тя не харесва "Градът на Бога". Намира го за скучен. Знам за разнообразието от вкусове, но да намираш "Градът на Бога" скучен, значи да си го гледал със затворени очи и запушени уши. Той е гениален филм.


Това е Зори. А това е статия първа от моя проект за създаване на каталог на моите приятели. Правила съм го и преди, но на хартия. Сега тук.

Зори е моя приятелка от 6 години и една от малкото, с които станах приятелка скорострелно, за седмици след запознанството ни. Естествено имаше благоприятни обстоятелства това да се случи, но имаше и доста крайно неблагоприятни обстоятелства, които биха представлявали сериозни пречки пред създаването на едно приятелство - затова аз обичам да си мисля, че неслучйно се срещнахме и събрахме с нея. Знам, че понякога и тя си го мисли, но не знам дали й харсва. (Зори, ако четеш, заповядай в коментарите и хвърли светлина върху тоя въпрос.)

Ще цитирам един наш общ приятел (Живко) - Зори просто кара хората да я обичат. Излъчва мощни хипнотизиращи вълни, вероятно, но е факт. Не можеш да я познаваш повече от 10 минути и да не я обичаш. И изобщо не си говорим за благ характер или мило поведение тука, повярвайте ми. Тя просто дращи по подсъзнанието ви и напоява създадените браздички със себе си.

Със Зори ме свързва много, но преди всичко самият факт на приятелството ни. Много пъти съм откривала, че само тя знае какво да ми каже и какво да направи, когато нещо ми се случи или когато попадна в някаква ситуация, или дори когато просто драматизирам, защото ми е скучно. Зори никога не ме съди. Тя някакси винаги разбира как и защо, що се отнася до мен. Познава ме толкова добре. Мисля, че само със Зори мога да общувам без да се правя, преструвам и играя поне мъничко. Тоест само с нея мога да бъда напълно естествена и открита, защото не желая да се крия или преправям пред нея.

Естествено двете се забавляваме ужасно много заедно.

Ако искате да разберете повече за нея, посетете профила й в - zornitsa d. Книгите, които чете, говорят доста за нея.

Разни факти: тя е зодия везни; обича да върши всичко под формата на ритуал; нещата бързо й омръзват, след като успее да се пребори с тях; пътуването с нея е доста трудно; през свободното си време почти изключително чете; носи предимно зелено, кафяво, черно и сиво; тя е много, много умна, както и да разбирате тази дума; мрази градския транспорт; обича мълчанието; обожава шоколад и чай.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Baltic tales

When I was little, I had books with fairy tales form all sorts of countries in the world. My favourite one was Fairy Tales of the Baltic People. It was navy in colour, with glossy hardback and smooth thick pages, and beautiful illustrations, which I remember used to scare me a little bit - which I now realise means that they were good illustrations - and by a different Baltic artist for each country. I read these tales repeatedly and enjoyed them immensely each time. So they comprised my knowledge of the Baltic region, and it never occurred to me that I would some day make direct contact with the world that produced my beloved glossy book with my real, physical senses.

I am ever so glad I eventually did. I spent four days in Riga and felt elated almost the whole time. Beautiful town. Art nouveau centre under the open sky, pink and ochre walls, a mylliard of little towers and spikes on red-bricked buildings, paved streets, devout lovers' names engraved on padlocks on the bridges. We had traditional Latvian food, found a delightful bakery where we had cake and real coffe for breakfast each morning, walked and walked the streets, ventured the local clubs (not so nice) and visited the Occupation museum, advertised as a must-see in the Riga journals we got at the hostel. It was indeed moving, and horrifying too, and I found it touching that they had set up this museum, which is supported through vistors' donations, in order to comemmorate those who lost their lives and dignity during the violation of Latvia's freedom by Soviet and Nazi oppressors, and to show the world what Latvian people have been through.

It was also great for me personally that we were a big group of people doing stuff together in that totally unknown city, like just walking the streets and reading their funny names, taking pictures on canon guns and weird bright red papier-mache rabbits, having meals, waiting in a queue for 40 minutes at 2 o'clock in the morning in order to have a McChicken combo, sleeping in the same dorm room and sharing a single bathroom for 15 people (fun), looking at the town sinking below us while travelling to the 25th floor of a hotel at sunset - stunning, simply stunning! - and so the list goes on. It was bonding, for me. So it was precious.

But the best part was that we happened to be there on Independence day, so we got to experience the national holiday pride and see prety much every inhabitant at the city, as wll as the country's military might in the parade. Standing among the crown of nation-proud people while their national anthem was playing, in a chilly wind by the river, was just exhilarating. And in the evening, breathtaking fireworks over the river!!! Oh, it was a beautiful experience!

On the downside, it was very expensive. But that's all on this side :)

Now back in Jyvaskyla, where I have to bury myself in studying. Oh well. You have fun, you pay the price for it.
Pictures made by Valerio, Martin and me.

Monday, November 12, 2007


Was it in Tahiti?
Were we on the Nile?
Long, long ago, say an hour ago
I recall that I saw your smile

I remember you
You're the one who made my dreams come true
A few kisses ago
I remember you
You're th one who said,
"I love you too,
Didn't you know?"
I remember too
A distant bell
And stars that fell
Like rain, out of the blue

When my life is through
And the angels ask me to recall
The thrill of them all
Then I shall tell them
I remember you


Снощи сънувах Иван, беше в бяла риза и огромен, не както в действителност. Смееше се и се радваше да се видим пак. Ужасно ми липсва.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Сняг, снежец - бял, беленичък!

It's snowing today! Excitement wells up inside me and I feel restless and exhilarated. I browsed the web for winter poetry and songs and came across a wonderful Bulgarian-French site for Bulgarian folk songs. Pure beauty they are, especially the Rhodopean ones - here goes one of my favourites:

Да не си се юплашило,
невесто хубава, невесто гиздава,
кога дойдат сватовете,
при тебе, за тебе, невесто хубава,
кога дойде лудо-младо,
при тебе, за тебе, невесто хубава,
да открие бело вало,
от лице, от лице, невесто хубава,
и йоткачи тельовете,
од глава, од глава, невесто хубава!

And a very rough translation:

Fear not,
o pretty bride, bonny bride,
when matchmakers come,
when they come to you, when they come for you, o pretty bride,
when your beloved comes,
when he comes to you, when he comes for you, o pretty bride,
to lift your white veil,
to uncover your face, to uncover your face, o pretty bride,
and take off the hair pins,
from your head, from your head, o pretty bride!

And another one (I can't help it!):

-Фатмиш, майчина дощеро,
оти се, Фатмиш, забави?
-Забавихме се, мале ле,
сиво ми стадо премина,
та ми водица размотьи,
та чеках да се отмотьи.
-Фатмиш, майчина дощеро,
стара са майка не ложе,
стари са татко не мамьи,
чьорни са очи плакали.

"Fatmish, my daugther,
why are you, Fatmish, so late?"
"I am late, dear mother,
for a grey herd passed through,
and muddled the water,
so I waited for it to become clear."
"Fatmish, my daughter,
you cannot lie to your old mother,
you cannot fool your old father,
your black eyes have shed tears."

On a different, but equally pleasant note, we had a genuine Italian dinner last night, which was a lot of fun, and quite cosy, not to mention delicious. The pasta was home made in the most literal sense of the word - the gradmother of one of the Italians (who was our cook) had made it herself and sent it to him.

I love it when it snows!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


How do you know if something is real or an illusion if you passionately want it to be real? And doesn't this desire signify something more than desperation?

Monday, November 5, 2007

A magical journey

Surprises come in so many different shapes! In a second everything you thought you knew about yourself can be upturned and gaily mocked by the Grand Designer, who/whatever s/he/it is, while you're struggling, trembling, to copmprehend what it all means. I don't care what it means. I can't remember feeling this way for too long a time.

St Petersburg is magical. The thought of these four days fill me with hot air, lift me off the ground and leave me hovering about, feeling joyful, feeling festive, feeling actually happy!...

I wish with all my heart I would remember every bit of it as vividly as I have it in me now. The Hermitage and the sunset-tinged Neva outside its windows, surrounded by Rennaisance splendour; Nevsky prospect at night and day; the sushi bar, tense with revelations; the frosty wind on the river and my hair flying over the plastic shampagne cup; the baroque grandeur of Catherine's reign; the handsome Russian faces and their piety before the gates of the churches; my snow-sprinkled scarlet muffler in the whismical graveyard; the bridges, the souvenir vendours, the cyrillic letters everywhere, this whole breathing city full of stories and superstitions, of history, hugeness and vibrating life - it's got to be unforgettable. It all opened me up, let me out, enabled my feelings and, put very simply, made me happy.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Recent finds

My latest discoveries - Google Earth (I saw the roof of my house, and my street! *tears up*) and Dinah Washington.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

They asked me how I knew
My true love was true
I of course replied
Something here inside cannot be denied.
They said someday you'll find
All who love are blind
When your heart's on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes.
So I chaffed and then I gaily laughed
To think that they could doubt my love
Yet today, my love has flown away
I am without my love.
Now laughing friends deride
Tears I cannot hide
So I smile and say
When a lovely flame dies
Smoke gets in your eyes.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Weekly update

I went to the first pyjama party of my life last night. It was quite a bit of fun. I was led to believe I would be denied entrance if I didn't have pyjamas or at least a baggy T-shirt on, so I actually went downtown and bought a pair of pyjamas (maroon, by the way, like Ron Weasley's!). Of course the party was full of people in normal clothes. I don't regret it, though, because my friends were in pyjamas, and it was a lot of fun. There were guys in nightgowns, and even one with a pillow on his head. Erasmus is definitely making up for my lost teenage years.

It seems there is nothing else here but constant socialising. There was an Indian evening before the party, but apart from the topic and the chai, there was nothing Indian about it. It was all Finnish through and through. Everything - from the moments where Hindi pop was to be played to the group discussions - was meticulously planned and organised. I did have a wave of emotion watching the pictures, though - many of them were of towns and even streets I remember so vividly! India seems to have embedded itself in my life in some novel, previously unnown way. I feel like I have it within me. India here means my experience of India, of course.

Regular weather update - now really cold, in a frosty, biting way, and I can see my breath. I like this kind of weather. There was frost this morning as well. But the sky is clean and there is sunshine for the most of the day.

I sat for my first exam yesterday as well. I thought it was quite easy, but better wait and see. I should be studying or at least cleaning right now, but, gosh, am I lazy!

Friday, October 5, 2007

There and back again

I am going to Russia. I sit here and observe all my momentary frivolous wishes come true - the Scandinavian peninsula, now Russia. Sometimes it does feel like compensation... I don't mind. I don't rebel. I'm not going to complain. I know it is how it is because I made it so.

In this vein, I found something precious in the net last night. These things also happen, it seems - finding precious things in the infinite, unknowable virtual space. Sometimes I really can't help seeing the hand of providence in things!... But I try hard not to.

Ok, local news - weather gloomier still, with drizzles and worms. Society pleasant, but I still feel a bit left out, which is no problem, as I'm used to that. Found Kate Bush and currently absolutely stunned by her - thanks, Zori! Tackled some serious business at the bank and got a phone (at last). Still remarkably lazy, and I can't seem to shake it off. Started devouring tons of chocolate again. Spoke to Alexander and Vesi last night, it made me sad and then cheerful again, a real relief it was, actually. Been thinking about hometown a lot lately, and a few nights ago, I had a dazzling dream about the sea behind the bus station - it was a brilliant, sparkling sea, and the feelings it induced were such a refreshment. I woke up feeling happy.

I guess that is it, my news. I enjoy doing this a lot!

Monday, October 1, 2007

Mr. Gore

I had the brilliant idea to dig out and download Martin L. Gore's first solo release, a modest e.p. called Counterfeit. Now I can't stop listening to it. Mr. Gore sweeps me off my feet. He restores meaning to the phrase.

I really am in love with him.

Saturday, September 29, 2007


Opening post. Thanks to everyone who may read this.

Currently in Finland, where I like it a lot, but still get occasional tinges of uncertainty. I miss my friends really badly of late, and I start wondering, perhaps the only unwasted time is time spent with them? Can't really answer for myself. I can't stop recalling our growing friends several years ago, and I can't help feeling a strong pull of nostalgia, and a faint feeling of something lost. I guess it's the living-in-the-past thing again, but can't be sure of that either.

Anyway. Weather is gloomy, but the trees are still colourful, so it's nice to look out of the window. If I were home now, I would be drinking coffee with milk and re-reading Harry Potter for the umptheenth time. I should be reading the Moomin stories here actually, but I can't get around to doing it.

Went to the Manhattan Film Festival last night, it was a great idea, I miss cinema a lot. I seem to miss a lot of things, and this can't be good. I need a strategy to start living in the present. Although I was living in the present these past 4 weeks, and I can't say anything productive sprang out of it all.

That's it for now. Blogs are fun. Be back later!