Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Зефирина Зегналек (или Жегналек? трябва да питам) от Полша - единственото същество, което не смяташе обсесията ми относно определа социална несправедливост за индикация, че имам разхлабени болтове и гайки в черепната си кутия. Естествено тя е права, а всички други грешат, както често се случва.

С това искам да кажа, че ти си специална, Зефи, и ми липсваш ужасно.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Mad about lists

Yes, I am. Plus I'm bored, so I thought I'd post one of those on here. A list of my current addictions (because I'm soooo easily hooked and right now they're all there is in my life).

Level of addiction measured on a 1 to 5 scale, where 1 is a persistent interest, and 5 is embedded-in-my-life-probably-forever.
  • Harry Potter. Started 2001, been growing ever since. 5
  • House MD. A brand new one. Side effects include annoyance if I go 12 hours without seeing an episode and a mild form of hypochondria. 2
  • Coffee. 1
  • Tea. (yes, addicted to both!) 4
  • Chocolate. Now this one I believe is actually biological. 5
  • Drama!!! Oh, my favourite one. I love drama, I create if where it's scarce and I relish a full-blown dramatic scene with zest bordering on exhilaration. 5
By the way, I lived an old dream of mine last night - rode in a car with Depeche Mode with enhanced bass on and me singing along :D

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Some more whining

It's not even a week since I left Finland and it already seems to me that my mind - its format - has started transforming. Things look distant to me now although I walked my usual Kortepohja - campus path last week. It's fast, like a virus. Or perhaps I should just stop watching House MD in bulk. Piling bucketfuls of new impressions onto my brain will facilitate the forgetting of old ones... But wait, wasn't that precisely what I should be getting used to and trying to let go of? My problem is, I don't want to let go. I never do. I'm almost certain I am incapable of it. And thank God I don't believe in psychology!

But it is sad, it's so very sad!... And so fast indeed.

People, even though you'll be submerged into the jolly Erasmus life for another five months while I'm in anxious anticipation of being bossed around and squashed into nasty deadlines, I will be thinking of you and retain the warmest of feelings for you. I do hope the ones among you who considered me a friend won't let distance and time and all that stuff make strangers out of us. I like to think it's all up to me, but I know there should be some willingness from the other side too... so here's hoping there will be.

Sunday, January 13, 2008


Гинтас - определено незабравима част от финландския ми живот. Той не обича да говори за себе си и въобще почти никога не говори сериозно; въпреки това се сближих с него с безтегловна лекота. Това, предполагам, е един от талантите му. Друг такъв е способността му да вижда под кожите на хората, но ревниво да пази каквото има под неговата в тайна.

Естествено и на него дължа благодарсности, включително задето ме приюти два дни преди да си замина. :Р

Friday, January 11, 2008

Random musings ed. 2008

This blog is a true blessing for my emotional exhibitionism... Anyway, I'm back home. As expected, I'm tossed around between fits of fierce nostalgia and powerful surges of longing to fly back from where I arrived. And yet I can't help but feel lucky, because my last days in Finland/Estonia were fantastic. An unexpected Depeche Mode Bar around a snowy corner in Tallinn; a ferry acquaintance; a gentle last day in Helsinki; Wong Kar-Wai in the afternoon. Couldn't have wished for anything more. A compensation, perhpas? Not meaning to be ungrateful, but I want no compensation if it makes the thing definitely final... I can't believe I am practically UNABLE to let go.

I know it's normal to feel some kind of warmth to be back in your homeland, or at least some sort of positive feeling after having reached home, but I felt none. I know it's wrong, and I know it's my own fault for holding on to things I should leave behind. But I simply cannot help it.

Have I learnt nothing after all those farewells I've had since high school? It seems to me I'm just as incapable of coping with loss as I have ever been. Ugh, this post is getting way too depressing. I think I need a HP fix right now ;)

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


New year, start from scratch, eh? I don't think so. It's sad, but I have been dragging a lot of stuff with me from one year to the next, and it piles up and settles down, marshy and sticky, like ickly food leftovers. Then there's the stuff I have to do, and the stuff I just wouldn't let go. Like Jyväskylä and everything I absorbed in me here. I wish I were far less sentimental and a lot more hard-working. Hey, that could be my New year wish/resolution! They are usually empty words anyway :p