Friday, January 11, 2008

Random musings ed. 2008

This blog is a true blessing for my emotional exhibitionism... Anyway, I'm back home. As expected, I'm tossed around between fits of fierce nostalgia and powerful surges of longing to fly back from where I arrived. And yet I can't help but feel lucky, because my last days in Finland/Estonia were fantastic. An unexpected Depeche Mode Bar around a snowy corner in Tallinn; a ferry acquaintance; a gentle last day in Helsinki; Wong Kar-Wai in the afternoon. Couldn't have wished for anything more. A compensation, perhpas? Not meaning to be ungrateful, but I want no compensation if it makes the thing definitely final... I can't believe I am practically UNABLE to let go.

I know it's normal to feel some kind of warmth to be back in your homeland, or at least some sort of positive feeling after having reached home, but I felt none. I know it's wrong, and I know it's my own fault for holding on to things I should leave behind. But I simply cannot help it.

Have I learnt nothing after all those farewells I've had since high school? It seems to me I'm just as incapable of coping with loss as I have ever been. Ugh, this post is getting way too depressing. I think I need a HP fix right now ;)

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