Thursday, July 24, 2008

The infinite variety of the human touch

A friend is sad and I cannot seem to reach her, I haven't been able to for a while. I fret and toss around in agony over the prospective break in the thread connecting our two personnas, and yet I can palpate, beneath the layers of fear and anxiety, and the occasional surges of desperation, a solid core of a peculiar comfort - a headstrong confidence, even knowledge, of sorts, that what has been will always be.

Another friend is frothing with insecurities, all of them larger than life for her, and I don't know how to bring them up or point them out. As long as I've known her they have been there - they change expression, manners, ways of fighing or ignoring them change, the level of awareness alters over time, even the results they generate as motivators have changed, but they are not gone, not reduced, not even better acknowledged, despite all the circusmtances which would normally render them so. Quite apart from being at a complete loss as to how to help, her behaviour vexes me... I cannot quite accept these insecurity-driven acts and professed opinions. Does this make me a bad friend? Or not a friend at all?

Another friend is very recent... Yet he feels so close.

One of my most beloved friends and I were severed cruelly 7 years ago by a vast distance. The four times I've met him for these 7 years, it was like we never parted - but still, I cannot help but fear that time and distance will finally do their thing and rob me of this precious, inexplicable, unmeasurable treasure that is our relationship.

Severed ties sadden me enormously.

I can't quite remember where it was, but in once I read in a book that love is anxiety, and I agree, and I am grateful for it, in a way.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


Today I was enlightened with the discovery that I am, indeed, a radical feminist.

A general rant about feminism seems to be in order. I do not see anything wrong with radical feminism. I do not understand how feminism can ever be "moderate". There is a very clear goal there, and it can't be achieved partially. This is not a negotiation where we get a bunch of rights and in turn make a few concessions on our part. What women ask for is something that should be their right, once we accept women are human beings in all senses and on all levels as men are. For me, expressions like "You can vote and run for official posts now, what else do you want?" are revealing an extremely narrow-minded and ignorant attitude. What else? We want human dignity and our own identity. I want to be able to identify myself without using terms and cliches created and pinned by men. I want to be able to define myself with a complete irrelevance of the male point of view. Towards this goal no concessions should be available, and I am willing to make none. To expect them is insulting in itself.

Also, I am sick of people ignorantly and stubbornly equating feminism with misandry, lesbianism or insanity, and of people villifying and shunning it like some sort of a crazy sect. If you are unable to spot the gaping hole between the sexes and the rampaging sexism around, fine, but please let those who do have their say. Someone disagreeing with you doesn't meain they are wrong, shockingly enough.

Rant over.

I wish I had more time for this blog. Kinda like I used to when I was still in Finland.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Getting sucked in

My life is slowly drifting from the physical world into the webspace, despite my kicking and hysterical protests. Nostalgia gains even more power.

I need to kick off and swim to the surface. I am in need of that.