Things change and I fail to notice when. Days and weeks rush past me, blurred, blended in a homogenous concoction with no clear peaks or lows, with no highlights, no distinguishable timeline with coloured dots to signify new stages of construction of something meaningful.
It's too bad youth passes and innocence gets melted down to a laughable smugde on one's history. Innocence, the fertile soil of grand designs, of plans and promises made with purest sincerity, of ties of love which seem unseverable, eternal, absolute. Absoluteness is the most precious thing I lost. The excitement, the hopeful optimism it spawned, the broad horizons of possibilities it opened, all shrunk down to a tiny window of residual faith, appearing to grow ever smaller...
Please,
save me
It's too bad youth passes and innocence gets melted down to a laughable smugde on one's history. Innocence, the fertile soil of grand designs, of plans and promises made with purest sincerity, of ties of love which seem unseverable, eternal, absolute. Absoluteness is the most precious thing I lost. The excitement, the hopeful optimism it spawned, the broad horizons of possibilities it opened, all shrunk down to a tiny window of residual faith, appearing to grow ever smaller...
Please,
save me
You seem to be enchanted by the memories of those childish times, full of naivity and ignorance, and some people can
ReplyDeletenever be saved from that. But just consider that you are still way ahead of your prime and your better and most
meaningfull days are yet to come. Why waste them lingering in thoughts of what today seems to have been a "better
yesterday" , when this very same "today" will be the next subject of your nostalgia in years to come?
Thank you! :)
ReplyDeleteI have gone through this very rationalization so many times. Intellectually, I am aware how absurd nostalgia is, and how counterproductive, and that it destroys and gives nothing. And yet I have neever been able to eradicate it from my disposition. I do hope I will find a effective method some day.
Thanks again!
As for my case, it's more like I'm being troubled by the discomfort, that I may not be able to accomplish enough to feel content with my deeds(and that is mainly because of my nature-given lazyness), and the nostalgia, though present, is merely a faint feeling that does not stand in the way of anything, like a blurred background, a humming noice that people tend to get used to aboard a ship or a plaine. How come nostalgia is such a big deal for you? You are like an insomniak that is kept away from sleep by something, and in your case that something is nostalgia, which by the sound of your words is obstructing your productiveness and giving you nothing in return. About the latter, could anyone be happy without it? But you know, a cure for my nostalgia sometimes is to not only remember how good it was "back in those days", but to also consider all the things that are better now than before. And it works to an acceptable extend.
ReplyDeleteOh I have my fair share of worying about the future, no doubt.
ReplyDeleteActually I have managed to deal with regular nostalgia before, when I realise things weren't as precious as they may appear. But now, for thsi particular case... it's about a circle of friends bound by an inexplicable (to me) closeness, and the first place, ever, in my life, that I felt fully a part of. Perfect fit for all of us. And it was just recently that most of them scattered away, so I guess this has some bearing on it too. But, mostly, it's the essence of what I feel is "lost"...
While I was in Finland, all the things I experienced, all the feelings I had were "here and now", imminent, immediate. Same with India. This short-term quality of my life was so healthy.
It's great that you're in control of destructive feelings enough to not let them get in your way. I've managed this before, I will now, but I suppose I just have to while and rant in the process.
I appreciate your comments greatly. Tnank you very much!