Преди 10 години

Неща, които ни се случиха в Индия и няма как да се случат тук, включват:

• Да се качиш на влака без пари и кондукторът да ти купи закуска 
• Да ти намерят място на последната лодка в резервата, защото си пред сълзи, че си изпуснал единствения шанс в живота си за това езеро 
• Маймуна да те гони по покрива на изоставен храм и да ти образува доживотна фобия от маймуни 
• Да се молиш да не те опръска случайно капка от свещената вода на Ганг, докато си в лодката, защото току-що си научил, че е септична 
• Да те поканят в дома си съвършено непознати, защото им е любопитно откъде си и какъв е животът там 
• Да се измъкнеш от глоба във влака с предълга сълзлива история за бедното си студентство с половината вагон за публика

Throwback

I got married. How's that for a life development since I started this blog, all dewey-eyed and with so much excitement and fun, and emotional entanglement of all flavours in front of me?

Reading my Finland posts is still such an emotional experience. I'm ever so grateful for all the opportunities I had and I'm proud to report I more or less managed to beat nostalgia, that hovering beast haunting most of my early posts on here.

If life could be one never-ending Erasmus experience, that would never get old, I don't think.

I hope the future holds more of this.

दीपावली की शुभकामनाएं सब को!

Честит Дивали!

Спомен: покрива на семейния хотел с малкото пиленце и "Ордена на феникса" в Джодхпур

My four-week window into a real life

Work defies real life in my definition.

Anyway, an odd "What I did in my summer vacation" post seems to be in order.

I had full 4 weeks, which I think I sapped as well as I could without turning enjoyment into a goal to be achieved. Some engagements did occur, and time seemed abridged, because I was able to see its end. When I can see the limits of a time period, my mindset becomes limited too... I seem unable to start any projects with indefinite duration or unidentifiable aim, like writing, or even mundane time-consuming stuff like classifying my picture prints or my books, or my old diaries - things I enjoy doing immensely, but somehow seem to find my limited time here too precious to devote it to activitie which deserve a free state of mind to be done justice.

Week 1: Istanbul! Bjork!!!!! A wonderful, spirited experience in a youthful and motley city with exquisite details, though just 5 days in duration. Highlights include the concert, of course, and Starbucks cinnamon chewing gum (post-coffee), an independent shop for bold accessories and clothes, the numerous cats and kitties, Istanbul Modern! My God!, a delicious lamb meatballs wrap, spiced mussels with rice on the bridge straight from the shell, cafes with finesse, free tea after every meal, the lovely Indian family we met at the hostel, the air-conditioned tram to the touristy area - and more, certainly, and here are some pictures:



Well, I spent the last 3 days of that week at home, tying to get as a much sleep as possible. Visited my grandfather, who loaded us with cornels, honey with the wax, apples and sheep cheese, and our Medovo houses. And highlight of week! Stoycho!!! <3 a="" all="" as="" at="" br="" but="" close="" even="" ever="" happiness="" he="" him="" it="" morning="" of="" one="" only="" precious="" remains.="" seeing="" shave...="" such="" the="" was="" when="">
Week 2: Work. That one isn't that exciting, but my father bought me a bun and made coffee for me every morning; and on Wednesday I started running in the evenings. Went to the open-air cinema with my mother on Friday. I watched House MD before bed too, and I had missed the guy intensely! Oh, there was the Olympics, too, which I followed on a daily basis and commented fervently with my father in-between work. I was finally reunited with Tony!!! Actually, not a bad week after all ;)

Weeks 3: Beach week! No work, the sea, calamari, and quite a succesful attempt at making a mini-remake of the bissful 2006 summer Tony and I had. Zori visisted, I had my birthday on the beach (and I had TEHMOST DELICIOUS cake evah!!!), I got postcards from Poland, and the cult Pomorie band Artery sang a song especially for me :D Zori loved the Great Salt Lake, took like 1000 pictures, made fun of my new night activity, called Pomorie romantic and was lovely as usual all around (except for a well stewed (2 years) accusation she served me). Zori and I went ot Burgas and met Zhivko as well. Olympics were still on, and we watched the rhythmic gymnastics together. Beach with Tony every day! That one week was a gem in my calendar. Well, I hurt both my knees while running, but that's a small price to pay for the other week home it earned me!



Week 4: Supposed to be work week, but I got no work for Monday, whch I wasted riveted in the armchair waiting for it - but met Hrisi and Judith in the evening, which was quite a treat, never having really believed I'd see her again. She looked beautiful and well. Worked a bit on Tue, and met Grisha in the evening. No work on Wed either, but this time I took my towel and went to the beach (where I engaged in an explosive sexism discussion with a bunch of guys). Thu, work, Fri - beach! and work too, though. Tony and I went back to the golden beach and soaps regime, messasing each other 10 times a day and discussing everything from soap coma characters' make-up to cinema and the USA elections, and laughing like madwomen, of course. God, am I going to miss this. I'm clutching it like a safebelt now.

Activites spanning all four weeks: water-melon eating, CoS surfing, small-hours chatting, House MD before bed in the attic, night ice-scream snacks, calamari eating, indiscriminate devouring of all kinds of TV programmes and way too little sleep :D

Tomorrow is my last day of beach, and then I have to pack my bags and leave for that horrendous city. D; Pomorie summers with friends, family and soaps are turning from a given to a dream getaway.

Смисли

Смислите пречат със своето настояване да присъстват. Не мога да се съсредоточа в много неща поради непрестанно тормозене дали има(м) смисъл. И честно си мисля, че нямам.

Снощи четох нещо, което съм писала за Индия малко след връщането си от там. Напълно вярно, но го бях забравила. Струва ми се, че след връщането си от Индия, и после пак след връщането си от Финландия, потъвам в някакво блато, от което за малко съм успяла да изляза и подишам. Всичките ми метафори за чужбина и тук са свързани със свобода и липсата й. Чудя се защо е такава ситуацията.

Не мога да пиша, а ужасно много искам. Едно от трите неща, които имат абсолютен неоспорим смисъл за мен.

Some more whining

It's not even a week since I left Finland and it already seems to me that my mind - its format - has started transforming. Things look distant to me now although I walked my usual Kortepohja - campus path last week. It's fast, like a virus. Or perhaps I should just stop watching House MD in bulk. Piling bucketfuls of new impressions onto my brain will facilitate the forgetting of old ones... But wait, wasn't that precisely what I should be getting used to and trying to let go of? My problem is, I don't want to let go. I never do. I'm almost certain I am incapable of it. And thank God I don't believe in psychology!

But it is sad, it's so very sad!... And so fast indeed.

People, even though you'll be submerged into the jolly Erasmus life for another five months while I'm in anxious anticipation of being bossed around and squashed into nasty deadlines, I will be thinking of you and retain the warmest of feelings for you. I do hope the ones among you who considered me a friend won't let distance and time and all that stuff make strangers out of us. I like to think it's all up to me, but I know there should be some willingness from the other side too... so here's hoping there will be.

Random musings ed. 2008

This blog is a true blessing for my emotional exhibitionism... Anyway, I'm back home. As expected, I'm tossed around between fits of fierce nostalgia and powerful surges of longing to fly back from where I arrived. And yet I can't help but feel lucky, because my last days in Finland/Estonia were fantastic. An unexpected Depeche Mode Bar around a snowy corner in Tallinn; a ferry acquaintance; a gentle last day in Helsinki; Wong Kar-Wai in the afternoon. Couldn't have wished for anything more. A compensation, perhpas? Not meaning to be ungrateful, but I want no compensation if it makes the thing definitely final... I can't believe I am practically UNABLE to let go.

I know it's normal to feel some kind of warmth to be back in your homeland, or at least some sort of positive feeling after having reached home, but I felt none. I know it's wrong, and I know it's my own fault for holding on to things I should leave behind. But I simply cannot help it.

Have I learnt nothing after all those farewells I've had since high school? It seems to me I'm just as incapable of coping with loss as I have ever been. Ugh, this post is getting way too depressing. I think I need a HP fix right now ;)

Afresh?

New year, start from scratch, eh? I don't think so. It's sad, but I have been dragging a lot of stuff with me from one year to the next, and it piles up and settles down, marshy and sticky, like ickly food leftovers. Then there's the stuff I have to do, and the stuff I just wouldn't let go. Like Jyväskylä and everything I absorbed in me here. I wish I were far less sentimental and a lot more hard-working. Hey, that could be my New year wish/resolution! They are usually empty words anyway :p

Old stuff, new stuff

The last few days were filled with pleasant surprises and warmth (literally, too, this has got to be the warmest Christmas season Finland's ever known). I have one post to make in the Chamber of Secrets forum to become a Hogwarts graduate, to start with :p

OK, to cut long story short (as it's way too long) - went for a country trip with a Finnish family, crossed the thresholds of two lovely houses come straight from my dreams; one of them a fairy-tale house of utter perfection to the last little detail ("a doll house for adults", as Kari put it); visited a village school for 60 pupils containing more care and modernity than any in Sofia; had a pancake dinner and a sleepover at Zefi's; had an unexpected visit from Leila (who is SO sweet and lovely it's unbelievable) and generally was forced to feet quite acutely the loss I'm in for in little more than a week.

If anyone is interested in reading the longer version (complete with detailed descriptions of mentioned houses and much lauding of this marvellous country), it's in the comments section.

Tomorrow is New year's eve and then I begin to pack and get ready to leave. And thus ends my December, my stay and my year. Have a spectacular New year's and see you on the other side! *kisses*

Baltic tales

When I was little, I had books with fairy tales form all sorts of countries in the world. My favourite one was Fairy Tales of the Baltic People. It was navy in colour, with glossy hardback and smooth thick pages, and beautiful illustrations, which I remember used to scare me a little bit - which I now realise means that they were good illustrations - and by a different Baltic artist for each country. I read these tales repeatedly and enjoyed them immensely each time. So they comprised my knowledge of the Baltic region, and it never occurred to me that I would some day make direct contact with the world that produced my beloved glossy book with my real, physical senses.

I am ever so glad I eventually did. I spent four days in Riga and felt elated almost the whole time. Beautiful town. Art nouveau centre under the open sky, pink and ochre walls, a mylliard of little towers and spikes on red-bricked buildings, paved streets, devout lovers' names engraved on padlocks on the bridges. We had traditional Latvian food, found a delightful bakery where we had cake and real coffe for breakfast each morning, walked and walked the streets, ventured the local clubs (not so nice) and visited the Occupation museum, advertised as a must-see in the Riga journals we got at the hostel. It was indeed moving, and horrifying too, and I found it touching that they had set up this museum, which is supported through vistors' donations, in order to comemmorate those who lost their lives and dignity during the violation of Latvia's freedom by Soviet and Nazi oppressors, and to show the world what Latvian people have been through.

It was also great for me personally that we were a big group of people doing stuff together in that totally unknown city, like just walking the streets and reading their funny names, taking pictures on canon guns and weird bright red papier-mache rabbits, having meals, waiting in a queue for 40 minutes at 2 o'clock in the morning in order to have a McChicken combo, sleeping in the same dorm room and sharing a single bathroom for 15 people (fun), looking at the town sinking below us while travelling to the 25th floor of a hotel at sunset - stunning, simply stunning! - and so the list goes on. It was bonding, for me. So it was precious.

But the best part was that we happened to be there on Independence day, so we got to experience the national holiday pride and see prety much every inhabitant at the city, as wll as the country's military might in the parade. Standing among the crown of nation-proud people while their national anthem was playing, in a chilly wind by the river, was just exhilarating. And in the evening, breathtaking fireworks over the river!!! Oh, it was a beautiful experience!

On the downside, it was very expensive. But that's all on this side :)

Now back in Jyvaskyla, where I have to bury myself in studying. Oh well. You have fun, you pay the price for it.

Pictures made by Valerio, Martin and me.

A magical journey

Surprises come in so many different shapes! In a second everything you thought you knew about yourself can be upturned and gaily mocked by the Grand Designer, who/whatever s/he/it is, while you're struggling, trembling, to copmprehend what it all means. I don't care what it means. I can't remember feeling this way for too long a time.

St Petersburg is magical. The thought of these four days fill me with hot air, lift me off the ground and leave me hovering about, feeling joyful, feeling festive, feeling actually happy!...

I wish with all my heart I would remember every bit of it as vividly as I have it in me now. The Hermitage and the sunset-tinged Neva outside its windows, surrounded by Rennaisance splendour; Nevsky prospect at night and day; the sushi bar, tense with revelations; the frosty wind on the river and my hair flying over the plastic shampagne cup; the baroque grandeur of Catherine's reign; the handsome Russian faces and their piety before the gates of the churches; my snow-sprinkled scarlet muffler in the whismical graveyard; the bridges, the souvenir vendours, the cyrillic letters everywhere, this whole breathing city full of stories and superstitions, of history, hugeness and vibrating life - it's got to be unforgettable. It all opened me up, let me out, enabled my feelings and, put very simply, made me happy.

Open

Opening post. Thanks to everyone who may read this.

Currently in Finland, where I like it a lot, but still get occasional tinges of uncertainty. I miss my friends really badly of late, and I start wondering, perhaps the only unwasted time is time spent with them? Can't really answer for myself. I can't stop recalling our growing friends several years ago, and I can't help feeling a strong pull of nostalgia, and a faint feeling of something lost. I guess it's the living-in-the-past thing again, but can't be sure of that either.

Anyway. Weather is gloomy, but the trees are still colourful, so it's nice to look out of the window. If I were home now, I would be drinking coffee with milk and re-reading Harry Potter for the umptheenth time. I should be reading the Moomin stories here actually, but I can't get around to doing it.

Went to the Manhattan Film Festival last night, it was a great idea, I miss cinema a lot. I seem to miss a lot of things, and this can't be good. I need a strategy to start living in the present. Although I was living in the present these past 4 weeks, and I can't say anything productive sprang out of it all.

That's it for now. Blogs are fun. Be back later!