Реликви от времената на З.

• Зомб
• Червен квадрат
• Be aware!
• Стихотворения за лингам
• Апокалипсис сега! и Момчетата на плачат във Вируса
• СФФ, особено Уонг Кар-Вай
• Единствените 2 шестици по български език в ЦИЕК
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Happy birthday

Ноември почти безспорно е месецът с най-много рождени дни в календара ми (или щеше да бъде, ако си отбелязвах рождените дни в календара). Честит рожден ден, Кате, Юли, Ники, Матвей, Иване, Явора, Гинтас, Уилям и ако съм забравила някого, честито и на вас. Бъдете щастливи.

Things Gone

• Extended family safety net
• Stoycho
• Love
• Antonia
• Indology magical glue
• Innocence
• Zori
• Bright dreams
• The horizon
• Sense or the illusion of it, whichever was present in the first place

Irretrievably

Тънки разлики

Днес ми хрумна вероятен отговор на отдавна стояща в главата ми питанка। Разликата при З, С, И и А (и може би А) е че те не само ме приемат, но и ме виждат всеки път без заготовка, останала от предишния. И изобщо без никаква заготовка. Такова гледане изобщо не е лесно, то изисква както любов и талант, така и усилие. Може би това е отговорът. Засега е съвсем задоволителен.

प्यार तुम से, जोरी

My four-week window into a real life

Work defies real life in my definition.

Anyway, an odd "What I did in my summer vacation" post seems to be in order.

I had full 4 weeks, which I think I sapped as well as I could without turning enjoyment into a goal to be achieved. Some engagements did occur, and time seemed abridged, because I was able to see its end. When I can see the limits of a time period, my mindset becomes limited too... I seem unable to start any projects with indefinite duration or unidentifiable aim, like writing, or even mundane time-consuming stuff like classifying my picture prints or my books, or my old diaries - things I enjoy doing immensely, but somehow seem to find my limited time here too precious to devote it to activitie which deserve a free state of mind to be done justice.

Week 1: Istanbul! Bjork!!!!! A wonderful, spirited experience in a youthful and motley city with exquisite details, though just 5 days in duration. Highlights include the concert, of course, and Starbucks cinnamon chewing gum (post-coffee), an independent shop for bold accessories and clothes, the numerous cats and kitties, Istanbul Modern! My God!, a delicious lamb meatballs wrap, spiced mussels with rice on the bridge straight from the shell, cafes with finesse, free tea after every meal, the lovely Indian family we met at the hostel, the air-conditioned tram to the touristy area - and more, certainly, and here are some pictures:



Well, I spent the last 3 days of that week at home, tying to get as a much sleep as possible. Visited my grandfather, who loaded us with cornels, honey with the wax, apples and sheep cheese, and our Medovo houses. And highlight of week! Stoycho!!! <3 a="" all="" as="" at="" br="" but="" close="" even="" ever="" happiness="" he="" him="" it="" morning="" of="" one="" only="" precious="" remains.="" seeing="" shave...="" such="" the="" was="" when="">
Week 2: Work. That one isn't that exciting, but my father bought me a bun and made coffee for me every morning; and on Wednesday I started running in the evenings. Went to the open-air cinema with my mother on Friday. I watched House MD before bed too, and I had missed the guy intensely! Oh, there was the Olympics, too, which I followed on a daily basis and commented fervently with my father in-between work. I was finally reunited with Tony!!! Actually, not a bad week after all ;)

Weeks 3: Beach week! No work, the sea, calamari, and quite a succesful attempt at making a mini-remake of the bissful 2006 summer Tony and I had. Zori visisted, I had my birthday on the beach (and I had TEHMOST DELICIOUS cake evah!!!), I got postcards from Poland, and the cult Pomorie band Artery sang a song especially for me :D Zori loved the Great Salt Lake, took like 1000 pictures, made fun of my new night activity, called Pomorie romantic and was lovely as usual all around (except for a well stewed (2 years) accusation she served me). Zori and I went ot Burgas and met Zhivko as well. Olympics were still on, and we watched the rhythmic gymnastics together. Beach with Tony every day! That one week was a gem in my calendar. Well, I hurt both my knees while running, but that's a small price to pay for the other week home it earned me!



Week 4: Supposed to be work week, but I got no work for Monday, whch I wasted riveted in the armchair waiting for it - but met Hrisi and Judith in the evening, which was quite a treat, never having really believed I'd see her again. She looked beautiful and well. Worked a bit on Tue, and met Grisha in the evening. No work on Wed either, but this time I took my towel and went to the beach (where I engaged in an explosive sexism discussion with a bunch of guys). Thu, work, Fri - beach! and work too, though. Tony and I went back to the golden beach and soaps regime, messasing each other 10 times a day and discussing everything from soap coma characters' make-up to cinema and the USA elections, and laughing like madwomen, of course. God, am I going to miss this. I'm clutching it like a safebelt now.

Activites spanning all four weeks: water-melon eating, CoS surfing, small-hours chatting, House MD before bed in the attic, night ice-scream snacks, calamari eating, indiscriminate devouring of all kinds of TV programmes and way too little sleep :D

Tomorrow is my last day of beach, and then I have to pack my bags and leave for that horrendous city. D; Pomorie summers with friends, family and soaps are turning from a given to a dream getaway.

The infinite variety of the human touch

A friend is sad and I cannot seem to reach her, I haven't been able to for a while. I fret and toss around in agony over the prospective break in the thread connecting our two personnas, and yet I can palpate, beneath the layers of fear and anxiety, and the occasional surges of desperation, a solid core of a peculiar comfort - a headstrong confidence, even knowledge, of sorts, that what has been will always be.

Another friend is frothing with insecurities, all of them larger than life for her, and I don't know how to bring them up or point them out. As long as I've known her they have been there - they change expression, manners, ways of fighing or ignoring them change, the level of awareness alters over time, even the results they generate as motivators have changed, but they are not gone, not reduced, not even better acknowledged, despite all the circusmtances which would normally render them so. Quite apart from being at a complete loss as to how to help, her behaviour vexes me... I cannot quite accept these insecurity-driven acts and professed opinions. Does this make me a bad friend? Or not a friend at all?

Another friend is very recent... Yet he feels so close.

One of my most beloved friends and I were severed cruelly 7 years ago by a vast distance. The four times I've met him for these 7 years, it was like we never parted - but still, I cannot help but fear that time and distance will finally do their thing and rob me of this precious, inexplicable, unmeasurable treasure that is our relationship.

Severed ties sadden me enormously.

I can't quite remember where it was, but in once I read in a book that love is anxiety, and I agree, and I am grateful for it, in a way.

Home

Стойка за вестници и списания - списания за нуждите на мъжете и списания, съветващи жените как по-добре да задоволят тези нужди.

Приятна бургаска вечер, сред чиито акценти са алени чорапи; стар познат, видян с нови очи; джаз; пролетен цъфтеж по старо и безценно приятелство и позната нежност with a twist.

Поморие се е превърнало от мило занемарено градче в строителна площадка. Поне светлината си е същата и морето, макар че вече трябва да си непосредствено до него, за да го видиш.

Show some humility

Isn't it funny how everyone seems to think they're the centre of the universe, and you can actually trace this belief throughout their behaviour. I can see it in mine. I can spot it in my thought patterns, even when it's artfully concealed. It seems humility is not easy, and does not come naturally to most of us. I try hard for it when I detect the complacency in my thought-chain or my words, and sometimes I have the feeling I actually achieve it. But it may just be an illusion of humility, a token, whereas the real thing remains out of grasp. I nurture a hope that it can be built gradually, and sometimes I even venture a thought that I have started. Well, trying alone rises my levels of hope and spirit.

This evening especially humility seemed to evade me decisively. I don't know what had gotten into me, because everything started so well, but the more we talked (I was downtown with Gintas), the more I exhibited self-satisfaction, egocentrism and desperate pleas for attention. I don't know how he does it, but Gintas is able to wrench the worst out of me with lazy ease. Perhpas it's for the better though. Perhaps being told unpleasant views about your person helps you look at it from an outsider's point of view and prune it here and there. As I said, I'm hopeful.
And the evening was nice, the uncontainable gushing of dubious emotions notwithstanding. We walked for an hour at least, ending up in a graveyard, which we strolled through, walking among the soft balls of light encircling the candles. Then we spent another two hours in Coffee House, where most of the aforementioned gushing took place. Gintas can't have a very favourable opinion of me, and I can't say I blame him. But he did give my contact info book considerable attention and time. A nice guy, he is.

And I suppose it's time for some news after a month of posting only sudden bursts of emotion. Well, this week was good-bye week. Heartbreaking. You can see the order of leaving people by the posts tagged "the magical world of jyu", starting from Chao. This morning I saw Nora and Giovanni off. (post about them upcoming tomorrow or Monday, depending on cleaning progress.) It's kind of cruel, isn't it, that I have to just cut off, with one brutal strike, the barely-unfolded friendships which were struck here. Cruel, and yet no-one to blame (almost). *sigh* Giovanni and Nora, thank you. Both of you have done more for me than you imagine.

Christmas eve will be spent here, in our little flat. I have no more information, Ewelina is in charge as usual. Christmas day - well, I'll think about that later. I'm gald I'm in a minimalistic country with as little amount of Christmas cheer in the form of kitschy decoration and shopwindow configurations as possible. I like this chubby, up-spirit and, well, merry Western Christmas, but I dislike the exaggeration it sometimes slides into. Plus a little snow would have helped immensely with the Christmas spirit distribution, but - no. snow. in. Finland. I'd write something cheerful for ending, but I can't seem to find anything of that nature in my head right now. Well, I'll just go to bed, I guess. See you tomorrow!

Пауза да си поема дъх

За всички тези хора тук. Досега мислех за тях само в бъдеще време - Stammtisch партито следващия четвъртък, "Кхарма" тази вечер, обяд утре в Агора/Илокиви, рождения ден на еди-кой си следващата седмица, пътуването до Русия следващия месец, вечеря в пицария "Мария" след Cafe Lingua в понеделник, pre-party-то у Джовани довечера и т.н. Сега внезапно трябва да мисля за тях само в минало време. Това така ме обърква.

Мразя да губя неща, да се разделям с тях. Вкопчвам се в това, което съм заобичала. Знам, че не бива и не е здравословно. Ако някой има съвет как да се разделям достойно с неща и хора, моля да сподели.

Денят започва да расте от днес.

Summary for jyu people: Basically I'm saying how much I miss you all.

December

So many meanings in one month.

My last weeks in Finland. My last days with the people I met here. The last parties, last walks in the town, last lectures, last common lunches in the university cafeterias, last dinners in pizzeria "Maria", last surges of longing.

My second Christmas away from my family - and first one away from friends, too. But closest to Santa Claus I've ever been!

My fisrt consiously-bought Christmas advent calender - Muumi-themed, of course (and yes, it is exactly the one in the picture. Cute, ain't it!). My first church Christmas carols evening (looking forward to it).

The shortest days and longest nights I've seen. Probably the coldst weather I've experienced, but still waiting for this one.

Hopefully a wonderful closure to a wonderful semester here. I love Finland by now. I liked it in the beginning, but I love it now. I wonder who wouldn't.

Зори

Това е Зори. А това е статия първа от моя проект за създаване на каталог на моите приятели. Правила съм го и преди, но на хартия. Сега тук.

Зори е моя приятелка от 6 години и една от малкото, с които станах приятелка скорострелно, за седмици след запознанството ни. Естествено имаше благоприятни обстоятелства това да се случи, но имаше и доста крайно неблагоприятни обстоятелства, които биха представлявали сериозни пречки пред създаването на едно приятелство - затова аз обичам да си мисля, че неслучйно се срещнахме и събрахме с нея. Знам, че понякога и тя си го мисли, но не знам дали й харсва. (Зори, ако четеш, заповядай в коментарите и хвърли светлина върху тоя въпрос.)

Ще цитирам един наш общ приятел (Живко) - Зори просто кара хората да я обичат. Излъчва мощни хипнотизиращи вълни, вероятно, но е факт. Не можеш да я познаваш повече от 10 минути и да не я обичаш. И изобщо не си говорим за благ характер или мило поведение тука, повярвайте ми. Тя просто дращи по подсъзнанието ви и напоява създадените браздички със себе си.

Със Зори ме свързва много, но преди всичко самият факт на приятелството ни. Много пъти съм откривала, че само тя знае какво да ми каже и какво да направи, когато нещо ми се случи или когато попадна в някаква ситуация, или дори когато просто драматизирам, защото ми е скучно. Зори никога не ме съди. Тя някакси винаги разбира как и защо, що се отнася до мен. Познава ме толкова добре. Мисля, че само със Зори мога да общувам без да се правя, преструвам и играя поне мъничко. Тоест само с нея мога да бъда напълно естествена и открита, защото не желая да се крия или преправям пред нея.

Естествено двете се забавляваме ужасно много заедно.

Ако искате да разберете повече за нея, посетете профила й в shelfari.com - zornitsa d. Книгите, които чете, говорят доста за нея.

Разни факти: тя е зодия везни; обича да върши всичко под формата на ритуал; нещата бързо й омръзват, след като успее да се пребори с тях; пътуването с нея е доста трудно; през свободното си време почти изключително чете; носи предимно зелено, кафяво, черно и сиво; тя е много, много умна, както и да разбирате тази дума; мрази градския транспорт; обича мълчанието; обожава шоколад и чай.

There and back again

I am going to Russia. I sit here and observe all my momentary frivolous wishes come true - the Scandinavian peninsula, now Russia. Sometimes it does feel like compensation... I don't mind. I don't rebel. I'm not going to complain. I know it is how it is because I made it so.

In this vein, I found something precious in the net last night. These things also happen, it seems - finding precious things in the infinite, unknowable virtual space. Sometimes I really can't help seeing the hand of providence in things!... But I try hard not to.

Ok, local news - weather gloomier still, with drizzles and worms. Society pleasant, but I still feel a bit left out, which is no problem, as I'm used to that. Found Kate Bush and currently absolutely stunned by her - thanks, Zori! Tackled some serious business at the bank and got a phone (at last). Still remarkably lazy, and I can't seem to shake it off. Started devouring tons of chocolate again. Spoke to Alexander and Vesi last night, it made me sad and then cheerful again, a real relief it was, actually. Been thinking about hometown a lot lately, and a few nights ago, I had a dazzling dream about the sea behind the bus station - it was a brilliant, sparkling sea, and the feelings it induced were such a refreshment. I woke up feeling happy.

I guess that is it, my news. I enjoy doing this a lot!